On Internet Lingo, A Treatise

What follows is perhaps the best treatment of internet shorthand I've ever read.  This, dear readers, is the product of the first-class, though somewhat bent, mind that calls itself Herr Fernseher.  It's referring to a comment thread, but you don't need the context to appreciate it.  Enjoy!  -Brent

Rotfl, lol, n lmao. K, not really. Trent, Kent, 6ent Chez has a ? Caring about typos and grammer? I mean grammar? R u on 420? 2B an ass or not 2B an ass, that is the ? Golly G, Enlish is EZ. –brb, g2p. (drank 2 much T)

K, where was I? O. C, I think anyone who bitches about blog spelling, there stupid. Theirs a time for being critical about Eglish, and they’res a time to chill. ‘Course I’ve been likened unto L Duderino. WTF.

OMG. Personally, I LOVE morphing the language (Ex: in a past comment, bRENT, you wrote “It’s pretty rare I get caught out on usage.” I’ve heard “It’s pretty rare I get caught on usage”, and also “It’s pretty rare I get called out on usage”, but I’ve never heard “caught out on usage.” Now, I’m not saying you are wrong at all. I know for a fact you are better read than I am and have a better grasp of a broader range of English idiom. But even if you are the first person in the history of the English language to use the phrase “caught out on usage”, so what? Everyone knows exactly what you meant, which means your language is “A-OK” (whatever that means—get my point?). And English would not be the rich, expressive language that it is if people didn’t make shit up with it.

You wanna know something else? I know some commas go inside the quotes and some don’t AND that my style manuals are in boxes in one of three places and I don’t care to bother with searching the world-wide-wasteland for how to punctuate properly. (Dear reader, your shit is posted online; do you really think I should look to the internet for style tips? By the same token, my shit is now posted here as well, so feel free to discount my opinions too.)

Should we care about misusage and misspelling? $h!#, when you write be critical, when you read, be lenient.

Fucking word Nazis. I think they are gay. Not ghey. That’s right, I said gay. And I don’t mean homosexual, though some of those anal twats might be.
And for the record, I think the term “ghey” is gay. Mocking it makes me feel gay (I could specify “dictionary.com def. 1”, but hell, interpret it how you want). Play emoticon: “:)”
And letz NOT 3v3N 93T N2 l33t. The fact is, as soon as TV is offered via direct brain transmission, 1 in 6 people will get it. Then the remaining old school, caveman-style TV viewers will see glitzy commercials flashing on their antiquated screens all about their coolest “plugged-in” friends, and that’s when most of the socially/recreationally-challenged sheep will decide that they too should get the implants as well. And when that finally happens, the only people who will give a shit about reading, misspelled or otherwise, will be the remaining 1 out of 6: old cranks like me, hopefully living on a distant farm somewhere with a shitload of books and guns.

Btw, Capital wit, I wanna see yo gaba gaba, especially the episode with Jack Black. I hear he tears it up! (and, WIT, props for knowing where the apostrophe in “y’all” goes! You make Texas proud.)

Oh yeah, and to GBF’s credit, has anyone ever really “spelt” anything? I think he could just be having fun, the same as me! :D

&BTW, 0u812 was an underrated album. And now, back to my Guinness...

P.S. Editted for spelling AND mispelling.


Gauthic said...

Black comedy gold!

Herr Fernseher said...

You're calling ME "bent?" I thought "Bent" was your middle name?

Terminus Est said...

Spelt, smelt, felt... It's all goood.


(A new favorite!) Anon: I haven’t even bothered playing a game of 6th yet, cause I have read the rules, and actually understand how they interact with units. I know my armies no longer function how they should, and so I need to change them.

Strictly Average: 'cause 6-inches is all you get.

Stalking Jawaballs since 2009.

Jawaballs: "My butt just tightened up."

Brent, preferred 2-to-1 over Not Brent in a recent, scientific poll.

Brent: emptied the Kool Aid and DRINKING YOUR MILKSHAKE with an extra-long straw.

Unicorns don't exist.

Home of the Stormbuster, the Dyson Pattern Storm Raven.

I'm a comment whore and this whore is getting no play.

Not Brent hurts Brent's feelings.

I think, therefore I blog.

"You should stop writing for everyone else and worry about your crappy blog." - Anon.

Not Brent has been spotted lurking around with a green marker.

He's not like a bad guy from a cartoon, all devious but never quite evil, Not Brent is bad beans, man, bad beans.

Dethtron: "Again I feel obliged to remind you that trying to sound smart only works if you are."

MVB: "I am not one to join the unwashed masses of self-titled 40k experts out there distributing advice from their blogs about exactly how your list should be built..."

Shiner Bock on tap: that's how I choose hotels.

Strictly Average: The Home of Hugs and Gropings.

Don't feed the trolls!

MoD: "Welcome to Brent's head."

Competitive is Consistent.

Dethtron: "...you could use that extra time to figure out a way to get your panties unbunched and perform a sandectomy on your vagina."

Dethtron: “When calling someone an idiot, it's generally best to avoid making grammatical mistakes.”

Warboss Stalin: "You know, if it actually WAS funny, maybe I wouldn't mind."

Mike Brandt: "It's not a successful bachelor party if you don't misplace someone".

"The Master Manipulator (every store needs one): "...now, enough stroking."

Kirby: "I don't know about gropings. Seriously, Brent, keep it in the pants, please."

Loquacious: "No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get Hugs & Gropings or Stalks Jawaballs into Brent's little tribute."

Captain Kellen: "I rate this article a Brent on the Faith Hill to Nancy Pelosi scale!"

Drathmere: "Come for the balls, stay for the Brent? Kind of disturbing, man."

Go no further, lest thee see something thine eyes would fain look past!

Isabelle: "So, thank you for supporting your local and not so local unicorns. A noble gesture like that can show some scared kids out there that they don't have to hide from everyone and it's ok to be who they really are."

There is nothing more interesting than We The People... in all our beautiful, ugly glory!

On Internet Advice: You see, I have an almost religious belief that's it's a huge, colossal waste of time.

...I think I'll call it the Gun Shy Pattern Stormbuster, because after the Internet destroyed my first humble effort, I find I'm a bit worried about the reaction to this one.

Lauby: "Is it left over from that time you thought that you could just complete step one 12 times to meet the mandates of that court order?"

Not Brent: "I guess we'll have to read on and find out. Signed, Not Brent. Especially today."

Cynthia Davis: "I think the scrolling text is from Glen Beck's new book."

Grimaldi: "Spamming certain units creates interesting possibilities but also fatal weaknesses."

Purgatus: "Math can inform decisions. It cannot make decisions."

Thoughts? Comments? Hugs and gropings?

You'd be that much quicker to figure out what I mean when I refer to a Unicorn if I covered it in a rainbow flag.

SinSynn: (To Brent) "Curse you and your insidious influence on the internets..."

Dave G (N++): "You know you're an internet celebrity when your following is more akin to tabloids."

I prefer the term Internet Personality (or IP) myself, seeing as how I coined it.

Lauby: "Your attempt to humanize him as failed. I feel nothing but scorn for his beard - it's like a warcrime or something."

BBF: "I've always thought you are a good player but I finally figured out that you are a great player. It's hard to see sometimes because your personality is engaging, sincere and quite charming - to me that is kind of a rare combination."

'Clearly cheating?' I didn't misspeak: you jumped to conclusions. If you'd like to apologize I'll be happy to send you an autographed picture of my ass.


I thought I was doing alright before I realized I was losing.

Age and treachery beats youth and vigor every time.

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