7.23.2010

The Ugly, Ugly History of Not Brent

So Part III of On Blogging is up on Blood of Kittens, and if you didn't know by now the interview was with Dethtron from SELF-EDIT *masculine reproductive equipment* Move.

You can find the link here.

CliffNotes: A possibly possible version of the origins of Not Brent.  Oh, and and in the spirit of duality that is Brent / Not Brent, there are two pictures of quite possibly the coolest stolen content conversion ever.


Here's an interview question that didn't end up in the final article...

My therapist wants to know why you torment me with Not Brent.  What is that and how did it get started?


It all started on a dark and stormy night.  You left an offhand comment on one of my articles about knowing what the next FNIF was going to be about.  You then declared you hoped to win it.  I’m pretty sure it had something to do with a Footdar list (one of my favorite things to rag on).  Too make a short story long, I was already covering something else that didn’t involve you.   I went about my business with the intent to put you in the polls anyway, since most of my polls have inside jokes or things that aren’t really related to the fight in them (and those usually win the polls).  Then I forgot.  Then I remembered that I forgot.  Then I realized that it was too late to add you to the poll.  So, I did what any right thinking human would do and I gave you your own poll.  All I had to do was figure out what people who didn’t want to vote for you could vote for.  Then it hit me- not Brent was the only logical answer.  This may also have been a vague reference something in whatever P.K. Dick novel I was reading at the time (Valis or Maze of Death as I recall).

Let's break it down... and here's a picture just to keep this somewhat hobby related.

Quite possibly the coolest conversion ever.

It all started on a dark and stormy night.  You left an offhand comment on one of my articles about knowing what the next FNIF was going to be about.  That's an ugly rumor.  I don't believe it.  You then declared you hoped to win it.  If I allegedly made such a comment, I'm pretty sure I'd want to win, too.  I’m pretty sure it had something to do with a Footdar list (one of my favorite things to rag on).  Fritz and Brent are going to win the team tournament at BoLSCon - oops, sorry: WarGames Con next week.  Too make a short story long, I was already covering something else that didn’t involve you.   I went about my business with the intent to put you in the polls anyway, since most of my polls have inside jokes or things that aren’t really related to the fight in them (and those usually win the polls).  Then I forgot.  Okay, still following you...  Then I remembered that I forgot.  Okay, I lost you.  Then I realized that it was too late to add you to the poll.  So, I did what any right thinking human would do and I gave you your own poll.  That... is funny logic.  All I had to do was figure out what people who didn’t want to vote for you could vote for.  Then it hit me- not Brent was the only logical answer.  That... is funnier logic.  This may also have been a vague reference something in whatever P.K. Dick novel I was reading at the time (Valis or Maze of Death as I recall).  And the last sentence turns the whole thing a complete 180, the mark of an evil genius.

(See?)

So Dethtron put up a poll asking people to vote for Brent or Not Brent... and being the OCD headcase I am, I couldn't stand the idea of losing to Not Brent.  Whatever.  I kicked into SELF-EDIT *the oldest occupation* myself for votes.  I was everywhere, linking back to the poll and asking for votes!  I'm sorry to say, it quickly became the cool-kid thing to vote for Not Brent.  Chumby voted Not Brent!

I also had the goal of getting more votes for my mini-poll than the main poll received, and I almost did it too.  I think the final poll had like 85 voters, only two or so short of the number that voted in the main FNIF poll.  Not bad, since I started a few days after.

I thought that would be the end of it.  How wrong I was.  Not Brent torments me.  I think he may even work in collusion with others to torment me...

For example, recently Dethtron posted that if his site reached 100 Followers (I hate that term, by the way) before Strictly Average, Not Brent wins!

So, what happens?  You got it.  OCD kicks in and I'm begging for votes.  And why did I take it so seriously?  'Cause Project Mayhem has all sorts of miscreants who are capable of all manner of deviltry and deviousness.  It was entirely possible that he could ride that wave right over my poor head.

Luckily, I had a head start and easily crested 100 peeps - and thanks to all of you!  So what happens?

That's right.  Not Brent wins.

No matter what.

16 comments:

Chumbalaya said...

I love the internet.

Messanger of Death said...

"My Interview with Brent just went live on Blood of Kittens. Homework assignment: "Boner" is now a punctuation mark, use it in the BoK post. Best comments get featured this weekend."

I can get a screen shot of that if you want Not Brent. I guess we can ask Brent if he wants evidence that Dethtron wanted to sabotage his career on BoK.

Messanger

Brent said...

I would LOVE the screenshot!

Can you mail it to brent@strictlyaverage.com ??

You've made my day!

Brent

Oh, and Not Brent hurts Brent's feelings, of course.

Messanger of Death said...

Screenshot has been sent boner For some reason it is 2 and half MB boner Might have something to do with me not paying attention to the file type boner boner Can my blog move into the "Bloggers Who Blog section" now?

Messanger

Brent said...

Done boner boner boner and how boner Thanks a ton, mate boner

(See? I can do it too, Dethtron.)

Dethtron said...

ability to "do it" notwithstanding you still can't ever win

Brent said...

That's because you keep stacking the deck against me.

You know you do.

I see Not Brent everywhere and whenever anyone says something nice I'm worried it's a Project Mayhem.

*sigh*

I'm long suffering I am.

The_King_Elessar said...

Well boner that makes a lot of sense boner

Master Manipulator (every store needs one) said...

Man boner I can't wait for my site to get this type of responses boner

Ok boner I just wanted to type out boner as punctuation boner

Zheilt said...

Hey boner boner boner I think I'm in that screenshot of followers boner

k.Blas said...

I say (not) Brent must battle Brent on a fiery hillside with naked chicks (or doods?) for all eternity...or until tomorrow.

Messanger of Death said...

Yay boner I'm in the Bloggers Who Blog section boner Suck my *self-edited* boner

Messanger

Brother Loring said...

This post should definitely get a stickie boner

Brent said...

Ha! That's a funny one, BL.

The_King_Elessar said...

In other news, keep going Brent - Strictly Average is now up to the third page of Brent + Average searches on Google. I believe in you!

Brent said...

I'm trying, King!

(A new favorite!) Anon: I haven’t even bothered playing a game of 6th yet, cause I have read the rules, and actually understand how they interact with units. I know my armies no longer function how they should, and so I need to change them.

Strictly Average: 'cause 6-inches is all you get.

Stalking Jawaballs since 2009.

Jawaballs: "My butt just tightened up."

Brent, preferred 2-to-1 over Not Brent in a recent, scientific poll.

Brent: emptied the Kool Aid and DRINKING YOUR MILKSHAKE with an extra-long straw.

Unicorns don't exist.

Home of the Stormbuster, the Dyson Pattern Storm Raven.

I'm a comment whore and this whore is getting no play.

Not Brent hurts Brent's feelings.

I think, therefore I blog.

"You should stop writing for everyone else and worry about your crappy blog." - Anon.

Not Brent has been spotted lurking around with a green marker.

He's not like a bad guy from a cartoon, all devious but never quite evil, Not Brent is bad beans, man, bad beans.

Dethtron: "Again I feel obliged to remind you that trying to sound smart only works if you are."

MVB: "I am not one to join the unwashed masses of self-titled 40k experts out there distributing advice from their blogs about exactly how your list should be built..."

Shiner Bock on tap: that's how I choose hotels.

Strictly Average: The Home of Hugs and Gropings.

Don't feed the trolls!

MoD: "Welcome to Brent's head."

Competitive is Consistent.

Dethtron: "...you could use that extra time to figure out a way to get your panties unbunched and perform a sandectomy on your vagina."

Dethtron: “When calling someone an idiot, it's generally best to avoid making grammatical mistakes.”

Warboss Stalin: "You know, if it actually WAS funny, maybe I wouldn't mind."

Mike Brandt: "It's not a successful bachelor party if you don't misplace someone".

"The Master Manipulator (every store needs one): "...now, enough stroking."

Kirby: "I don't know about gropings. Seriously, Brent, keep it in the pants, please."

Loquacious: "No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get Hugs & Gropings or Stalks Jawaballs into Brent's little tribute."

Captain Kellen: "I rate this article a Brent on the Faith Hill to Nancy Pelosi scale!"

Drathmere: "Come for the balls, stay for the Brent? Kind of disturbing, man."

Go no further, lest thee see something thine eyes would fain look past!

Isabelle: "So, thank you for supporting your local and not so local unicorns. A noble gesture like that can show some scared kids out there that they don't have to hide from everyone and it's ok to be who they really are."

There is nothing more interesting than We The People... in all our beautiful, ugly glory!

On Internet Advice: You see, I have an almost religious belief that's it's a huge, colossal waste of time.

...I think I'll call it the Gun Shy Pattern Stormbuster, because after the Internet destroyed my first humble effort, I find I'm a bit worried about the reaction to this one.

Lauby: "Is it left over from that time you thought that you could just complete step one 12 times to meet the mandates of that court order?"

Not Brent: "I guess we'll have to read on and find out. Signed, Not Brent. Especially today."

Cynthia Davis: "I think the scrolling text is from Glen Beck's new book."

Grimaldi: "Spamming certain units creates interesting possibilities but also fatal weaknesses."

Purgatus: "Math can inform decisions. It cannot make decisions."

Thoughts? Comments? Hugs and gropings?

You'd be that much quicker to figure out what I mean when I refer to a Unicorn if I covered it in a rainbow flag.

SinSynn: (To Brent) "Curse you and your insidious influence on the internets..."

Dave G (N++): "You know you're an internet celebrity when your following is more akin to tabloids."

I prefer the term Internet Personality (or IP) myself, seeing as how I coined it.

Lauby: "Your attempt to humanize him as failed. I feel nothing but scorn for his beard - it's like a warcrime or something."

BBF: "I've always thought you are a good player but I finally figured out that you are a great player. It's hard to see sometimes because your personality is engaging, sincere and quite charming - to me that is kind of a rare combination."

'Clearly cheating?' I didn't misspeak: you jumped to conclusions. If you'd like to apologize I'll be happy to send you an autographed picture of my ass.

Ass.

I thought I was doing alright before I realized I was losing.

Age and treachery beats youth and vigor every time.

Popular Posts