The Master Manipulator (every store needs one)

I started this blog a bit over a year ago to inspire myself to write, to paint, and to focus.  That's no exaggeration, but obviously it requires a bit more explanation than I'm going to give it right now.  I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  Today, it's fair to say I've had some success, though it's also fair to say I went about it all wrong and would have done much, much better if I knew then what I know now.  That's part of the reason I've set out to write my series on Blood of Kittens called On Blogging, to help new bloggers understand the environment - but that's neither here nor there.

CliffNotes: the MM(esno) is starting his own blog, which will focus on painting... check it out here!

The Master Manipulator (every store needs one) has watched this blog for some time - how long, I'm not sure.  I didn't actually tell my friends what I was doing, nor did I ask them to read it.  I think that's a bit like become a salesman to sell Amway to your friends and family.  I figured if they were interested, they'd read it.

Part of Strictly Average has always been the running gags, such as...

...the idea that I'm a crazy net-stalker on the hunt for Jawaballs.  (He is.)  Some of the gags are newer and some never get off the ground.  The oldest gag of all is the Master Manipulator (every store needs one).

What's that mean, I hear you ask?  Simply that: his name.  I give nicknames to everyone, because I didn't want to use their real names in my blog.  Some of these are obvious to any reader, new or old, and some are things only I find funny.  Most everyone who's read my blog has liked - or at least accepted - the names I stuck them with.

The only exception is He Who Shall Not Be Named.  That's funny, too!

Still, at the time I had no idea what he'd think about it.  What was I supposed to say?  Louis is a Type A, OCD control-freak who keeps us moving in one direction?  That's not funny, no matter how true it is.  Instead, I came up with a nickname that means pretty much the same thing, but with humor and a nod of appreciation for everything he does for all the rest of us... which is significant.

Do you have one guy in your store that is constantly asked, "Hey, what rule is that..?" or "How does this work..?" or "What does that mean..?"  or "Are you sure about that?" or... you get the idea.  He gets constantly badgered, and sometimes I wonder if the rest of them realize they do it.  I know I do.

Doesn't matter.  That's the price he pays.  He's the one that organizes the tournaments, which means for years he's been the judge.  His interpretation is the final say in our store, and to that I say, "Better him than me."

He'd better be right.  He has to be right.  No, I don't mean it that way, although that's true too, what I mean is if he messes up a judgment or misreads an interpretation he's going to catch hell about it... Evil Homer will make sure of that.

Evil Homer is my nemesis and our resident rules lawyer.  He'd better not even try to deny it, 'cause he owns that one.  Right now he's been complaining the bible (the new Warhammer book) is too heavy to read on the toilet.

No, I'm being serious.

If the Master Manipulator (every store needs one) doesn't know a rule or a book or the latest wrinkle on an interpretation of RAW or RAI, Evil Homer will sniff it out and come after him with it.

Right now, Evil Homer is new to Warhammer, but there's no doubt he's hoovering the magic section like the Storm Buster, the Dyson Pattern Storm Raven, memorizing every nuance and applying his Homer-noggin for every possible broken application.  He'll do it, too.

The point is, the Master Manipulator (every store needs one) had to have found the blog, read a post, sorted out who I was talking about (that would have taken 3 seconds), and decided how to feel about it all on his own, 'cause I didn't tell him about it.

I did laugh the first time I saw the name come up in the comments section.  I realized he'd embraced it, which is good: a joke's only really funny if its shared with others.  (A beer bottle to the skull is a good reminder of what happens when a joke isn't appreciated, as Brent learned yesterday.)

So he's started his own blog; here's his first post.  He's read mine for a year and he and Evil Homer both have lurked forums for far longer than I, so you'd think he knows what he's getting into.  I'm not sure he does, but if anyone can figure it out, it is a Type A, OCD control-freak with a passion for the hobby since... well, forever.

I'll be sure to support him... here's hoping he doesn't suck!


Master Manipulator (every store needs one) said...

Thanks for the plug Brent. The early post for my blog will mostly be about what I am working on at the time.

Will build my skills as I build my blog so to speak.

Brent said...

No worries, my man. I'm looking forward to seeing what you're going to do.

Master Manipulator (every store needs one) said...

Well I already have at least one more post...so we are good for about a week.

Only problem is I keep looking at the templates and want to tinker a bit. Sooooo...the looks of the blog may change 3 or four more times between now and who knows tomorrow.

You know me....I can't leave things alone.

The_King_Elessar said...

If you add half as much to my appreciation of the Blogosphere as Brent, then you'll have done a marvellous job.


Now I'm off to read Bald and Screaming - and coming here before there indicates the esteem in which this blog is held in the White City.

Master Manipulator (every store needs one) said...

Hey...whats a guy got to do to get to the adult table from the kiddie table at the bottom.

Brent said...

TKE: I don't think I've been paid a higher compliment; I really, really appreciate it!

Brent said...

TKE: now I'm wondering if I was a victim of Project Mayhem...

I'm so not sure...

DFM said...

I heard not-brent held him at footdar-point and made him post it as a taunt to you.

The_King_Elessar said...


Not yet. I will strike when you least expect, like some sort of Nintendo!

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(A new favorite!) Anon: I haven’t even bothered playing a game of 6th yet, cause I have read the rules, and actually understand how they interact with units. I know my armies no longer function how they should, and so I need to change them.

Strictly Average: 'cause 6-inches is all you get.

Stalking Jawaballs since 2009.

Jawaballs: "My butt just tightened up."

Brent, preferred 2-to-1 over Not Brent in a recent, scientific poll.

Brent: emptied the Kool Aid and DRINKING YOUR MILKSHAKE with an extra-long straw.

Unicorns don't exist.

Home of the Stormbuster, the Dyson Pattern Storm Raven.

I'm a comment whore and this whore is getting no play.

Not Brent hurts Brent's feelings.

I think, therefore I blog.

"You should stop writing for everyone else and worry about your crappy blog." - Anon.

Not Brent has been spotted lurking around with a green marker.

He's not like a bad guy from a cartoon, all devious but never quite evil, Not Brent is bad beans, man, bad beans.

Dethtron: "Again I feel obliged to remind you that trying to sound smart only works if you are."

MVB: "I am not one to join the unwashed masses of self-titled 40k experts out there distributing advice from their blogs about exactly how your list should be built..."

Shiner Bock on tap: that's how I choose hotels.

Strictly Average: The Home of Hugs and Gropings.

Don't feed the trolls!

MoD: "Welcome to Brent's head."

Competitive is Consistent.

Dethtron: "...you could use that extra time to figure out a way to get your panties unbunched and perform a sandectomy on your vagina."

Dethtron: “When calling someone an idiot, it's generally best to avoid making grammatical mistakes.”

Warboss Stalin: "You know, if it actually WAS funny, maybe I wouldn't mind."

Mike Brandt: "It's not a successful bachelor party if you don't misplace someone".

"The Master Manipulator (every store needs one): "...now, enough stroking."

Kirby: "I don't know about gropings. Seriously, Brent, keep it in the pants, please."

Loquacious: "No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get Hugs & Gropings or Stalks Jawaballs into Brent's little tribute."

Captain Kellen: "I rate this article a Brent on the Faith Hill to Nancy Pelosi scale!"

Drathmere: "Come for the balls, stay for the Brent? Kind of disturbing, man."

Go no further, lest thee see something thine eyes would fain look past!

Isabelle: "So, thank you for supporting your local and not so local unicorns. A noble gesture like that can show some scared kids out there that they don't have to hide from everyone and it's ok to be who they really are."

There is nothing more interesting than We The People... in all our beautiful, ugly glory!

On Internet Advice: You see, I have an almost religious belief that's it's a huge, colossal waste of time.

...I think I'll call it the Gun Shy Pattern Stormbuster, because after the Internet destroyed my first humble effort, I find I'm a bit worried about the reaction to this one.

Lauby: "Is it left over from that time you thought that you could just complete step one 12 times to meet the mandates of that court order?"

Not Brent: "I guess we'll have to read on and find out. Signed, Not Brent. Especially today."

Cynthia Davis: "I think the scrolling text is from Glen Beck's new book."

Grimaldi: "Spamming certain units creates interesting possibilities but also fatal weaknesses."

Purgatus: "Math can inform decisions. It cannot make decisions."

Thoughts? Comments? Hugs and gropings?

You'd be that much quicker to figure out what I mean when I refer to a Unicorn if I covered it in a rainbow flag.

SinSynn: (To Brent) "Curse you and your insidious influence on the internets..."

Dave G (N++): "You know you're an internet celebrity when your following is more akin to tabloids."

I prefer the term Internet Personality (or IP) myself, seeing as how I coined it.

Lauby: "Your attempt to humanize him as failed. I feel nothing but scorn for his beard - it's like a warcrime or something."

BBF: "I've always thought you are a good player but I finally figured out that you are a great player. It's hard to see sometimes because your personality is engaging, sincere and quite charming - to me that is kind of a rare combination."

'Clearly cheating?' I didn't misspeak: you jumped to conclusions. If you'd like to apologize I'll be happy to send you an autographed picture of my ass.


I thought I was doing alright before I realized I was losing.

Age and treachery beats youth and vigor every time.

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