7.25.2010

Proof of Project Mayhem!!

My brent@strictlyaverage.com email address blew up yesterday with people sending me proof of something that has, until now, only been a rumor.

Today, we ask then answer the question: Does Project Mayhem exist?  Is Dethtron walking at the head of a group of internet anarchists?  That's two questions.

CliffNotes: Today, we ask then answer the question: Does Project Mayhem exist?

Don't click to read more unless you're ready for the awful truth.
First, Brent works hard to write a glowing review of Dick Move on Blood of Kittens, in the soon to be properly lauded series On Blogging.  Don't bother holding your lack of applause.

Second, the comments section is lit up by people using a bad, bad word... what word?  It's a word that reminds me of a stack of books and a fear I'd be called to the blackboard to answer a maths question I can't even concentrate on because I'm terrified the class will see my SELF-EDIT *morning glory* and I'd have to drop out of school if I didn't die on the spot.  What's with all the shame?  Make no mistake, a glory it is!

That word.  It was being used as punctuation. 

So I scramble around, trying to plug the damn of insanity!  I throw my hands wide and yell, "It's him!  It's Dethtron!  He's doing this: follow this link!"  The link was proof positive of Dethtron's complicity.  Gotcha!  Satisfied I'd done what I could to stem the tide of anarchy, I sat back and waited for right-minded people to take the reins from the new-age hippies.  Forgetting right thinking people don't actually read your stuff, right?

But I didn't actually get any proof.  Who knew Dethtron's sources were that good?  Who knew he was that on top of his criminal enterprise?  Who indeed?  I wasn't saying anything.

Instead, when you followed my link back to the source, this is what you saw...

What's this?  A bit of harmless self-promotion?  A nice picture and a nice blurb? 

THAT'S NOT WHAT WAS THERE!  SELF-EDIT

It was an obvious victory for wrong-mindedness.  Right-thinking people everywhere - good, moral people like me - were being overrun by... by...

...them.  I prepared to tell my therapist all about it when a chink appeared in the armor.

Messanger of Death (he means to spell it that way) showed up with proof of Dethtron's crime.  If it isn't a felony, it should be!  Of course, MoD was extorting me for the information, but given I wanted proof of a crime I was willing to overlook it.  There's a lesson there, by the by.

Without further ado, here it is...

Here it is, the original post.  He's calling for an uprising.  Click here to view the crime scene, where that word is dropped like corpses in Grand Theft Auto.

By the way, here's the pictures I took with me to show my (long-suffering, mythical) therapist, evidence that it is terribly hard to beat someone who changes the rules on you.

Lastly, for those of you emailing me asking how I could have participated in a FNIF when I'm such an obvious enemy of everything this dude and his site stands for, I say this: what are you talking about?  I never did that.  I don't know what you're talking about.  Heh.

There's a reason the comments were in green.

5 comments:

DFM said...

Wow boner youbonerve went along way to fabricate that storyboner I do admit thoughboner youbonerve done a bang up job of photshopping those postsboner

The_King_Elessar said...

No news here. Anyone for Bratwurst?

DFM said...

nah, the invention of "cheesewurst" makes a plain old brat rather boring(in the microwave that is). bratwurst stuffed with imitation cheese product. yummy.

Chumbalaya said...

I am bonerin confusedboner What the boner is this bonerquizzicalboner

Jennifer said...

I must admit I am a mite bit concerned with the amount of boners around here... (<-Three right there as a matter of fact)I think this was a good week for me not to have internet.

(A new favorite!) Anon: I haven’t even bothered playing a game of 6th yet, cause I have read the rules, and actually understand how they interact with units. I know my armies no longer function how they should, and so I need to change them.

Strictly Average: 'cause 6-inches is all you get.

Stalking Jawaballs since 2009.

Jawaballs: "My butt just tightened up."

Brent, preferred 2-to-1 over Not Brent in a recent, scientific poll.

Brent: emptied the Kool Aid and DRINKING YOUR MILKSHAKE with an extra-long straw.

Unicorns don't exist.

Home of the Stormbuster, the Dyson Pattern Storm Raven.

I'm a comment whore and this whore is getting no play.

Not Brent hurts Brent's feelings.

I think, therefore I blog.

"You should stop writing for everyone else and worry about your crappy blog." - Anon.

Not Brent has been spotted lurking around with a green marker.

He's not like a bad guy from a cartoon, all devious but never quite evil, Not Brent is bad beans, man, bad beans.

Dethtron: "Again I feel obliged to remind you that trying to sound smart only works if you are."

MVB: "I am not one to join the unwashed masses of self-titled 40k experts out there distributing advice from their blogs about exactly how your list should be built..."

Shiner Bock on tap: that's how I choose hotels.

Strictly Average: The Home of Hugs and Gropings.

Don't feed the trolls!

MoD: "Welcome to Brent's head."

Competitive is Consistent.

Dethtron: "...you could use that extra time to figure out a way to get your panties unbunched and perform a sandectomy on your vagina."

Dethtron: “When calling someone an idiot, it's generally best to avoid making grammatical mistakes.”

Warboss Stalin: "You know, if it actually WAS funny, maybe I wouldn't mind."

Mike Brandt: "It's not a successful bachelor party if you don't misplace someone".

"The Master Manipulator (every store needs one): "...now, enough stroking."

Kirby: "I don't know about gropings. Seriously, Brent, keep it in the pants, please."

Loquacious: "No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get Hugs & Gropings or Stalks Jawaballs into Brent's little tribute."

Captain Kellen: "I rate this article a Brent on the Faith Hill to Nancy Pelosi scale!"

Drathmere: "Come for the balls, stay for the Brent? Kind of disturbing, man."

Go no further, lest thee see something thine eyes would fain look past!

Isabelle: "So, thank you for supporting your local and not so local unicorns. A noble gesture like that can show some scared kids out there that they don't have to hide from everyone and it's ok to be who they really are."

There is nothing more interesting than We The People... in all our beautiful, ugly glory!

On Internet Advice: You see, I have an almost religious belief that's it's a huge, colossal waste of time.

...I think I'll call it the Gun Shy Pattern Stormbuster, because after the Internet destroyed my first humble effort, I find I'm a bit worried about the reaction to this one.

Lauby: "Is it left over from that time you thought that you could just complete step one 12 times to meet the mandates of that court order?"

Not Brent: "I guess we'll have to read on and find out. Signed, Not Brent. Especially today."

Cynthia Davis: "I think the scrolling text is from Glen Beck's new book."

Grimaldi: "Spamming certain units creates interesting possibilities but also fatal weaknesses."

Purgatus: "Math can inform decisions. It cannot make decisions."

Thoughts? Comments? Hugs and gropings?

You'd be that much quicker to figure out what I mean when I refer to a Unicorn if I covered it in a rainbow flag.

SinSynn: (To Brent) "Curse you and your insidious influence on the internets..."

Dave G (N++): "You know you're an internet celebrity when your following is more akin to tabloids."

I prefer the term Internet Personality (or IP) myself, seeing as how I coined it.

Lauby: "Your attempt to humanize him as failed. I feel nothing but scorn for his beard - it's like a warcrime or something."

BBF: "I've always thought you are a good player but I finally figured out that you are a great player. It's hard to see sometimes because your personality is engaging, sincere and quite charming - to me that is kind of a rare combination."

'Clearly cheating?' I didn't misspeak: you jumped to conclusions. If you'd like to apologize I'll be happy to send you an autographed picture of my ass.

Ass.

I thought I was doing alright before I realized I was losing.

Age and treachery beats youth and vigor every time.

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