Drinking the Kool Aid

I wanna be super-serial whicha uno momento, s'il vous plait.  I've just downed the Kool Aid and it turns out it was spiked.  Here's some rambling stream of unconsciousness comin' at ya.

Chances are, someone thinks you suck.

Ye Ol' Blogosphere is divided into forum hounds, bloggers, and lurkers, and let's take the last first, because it's the easiest.  Lurkers are the vast majority of the readership of any of our hobby sites.  The proof is easy - just shake out ol' Google Analytics or whatever program you happen to be using.  Now separate out the unique IP's and kick the bots in the butt and you'll get a pretty good idea of how many people are reading what you wrote.

Or at least skimming it.  I try to make a science of blog-length.  What's too short and what's a wall of text?  Who knows?  Let's push it and find out.

(Honey, where's my drugs... er, medicine?)

I'm soooo ready for medical mj and legal bj, just so I can buy that poor bastard down the street 15 seconds of happiness.  He'd accept it, too, if he wants any satisfaction out of life before he croaks.  His wife - I can hear her from a block away - is kinda like my ex-whore but without the redeeming qualities.

Which I can't remember now, more fool I.  Thank God for Jenn and where the hell was I?

Lurkers don't post, so we know zip all about them; they may think you suck, too, but we can't know that.  Let's stick with that most separate of breeds, the forum-hound and the blogger... and never the Twain shall meet in King Arthur's Yankee Doodle Dandee. 

(Only Herr Fernseher will appreciate that last, I suspect.)

I'm biased towards blogs.  I like the flow, I like the communication.  I hate reading Dakka and watching a bunch of monkeys fucking a football.  Person A asks rules question.  Person B answers.  Person A tells Person B he's an idiot.  Person B gets offended but tries to rationalize.  Person C gets involved.  Lather, rinse, repeat ad nauseum.

Still, I'm aware bloggers can swarm the unsuspecting e-tard on any of a number of different sites.  The battle lines are drawn... are you Bell or are you ZombY?  Or do you try and please them all like a hooker at happy hour and get accused of drinking the Kool Aid?

JWolf, JWolf - he cries, typing with one hand whilst griping Mr. Bungle in the other, having had that most inquisitive and thankfully disease-free little mind grazed by the passing blow from the ZombY Master - and don't we all know the grazing blow hurts that worst?

Except for the Unicorns out there - and ya truly are that mythical 'cause I don't believe in ya one little bit.

Do I own it?  Do those haunting words, "...sometimes you drink the Kool Aid," strike home, infecting my gut like Paris Hilton's favorite tapeworm?  Does it send me running back into the arms of Jawaballs?


He turned his back on me never comes around, much like a random Fly Lord who used to drop by and gift me a morsel.

In getting along to get along I've been sent along.  Nobody loves a moderate.

But I say thee nay, foul world not-to-be-confused-with-fowl-world (because bird parasites are the worst), I will continue on my coarse course, doing what I do, regardless.  I will put aside the grape Kool Aid, the orange, green and blue too, and leave you with this.


With my extra-long straw.

(Honey, the pink pill - the pink pill...)


Evil Homer said...

your milkshakes bring all the blogs to the yard, and their blog is better than yours, damn right its better than yours, something something something, and I have to charge...

no really get back on your meds, rants without context aren't rants they're confusing.

This post makes my head hurt, your post made my head hurt....quick someone get the trepanning kit.

Chumbalaya said...

What the fuck just happened?

Evil Homer said...

I'm with Chum on this one, I have no idea what that was all about

Farmer Geddon said...

Ummm... I think I know what you're on about. Milkshake, Coolaid... A real man's drink is Dr. P.
And I've been all 3 of the above in my time/in my day. I don't know why toy soldiers gets everyone so riled up! It's worse than Fox making news up to create controvery. It's worse than polititians trying to feign innocense. Lets all hug a tree people, and play a game.

Master Manipulator (every store needs one) said...

Did someone make fun of your storm raven again?

mkerr said...

Is there a Cliff's Notes version of this? Lol. Too much to dig through before my morning coffee! :)

Brent said...

Cliff Notes: the whole thing was written to make Matt laugh. He'll get a kick out of it.

I'm not mad, there's no hate - I'm just in a strange mood.

Papa JJ said...

Enjoyed the rant, as well as your approach to blogging affiliations, milkshakes, and such.

Herr Fernseher said...

"OH, YEAH" (Man, wasn't the Kool-Aid shill--I mean spokespitcher (pun intended)--a blast? He was basically an anarchic yesman with a sugar addiction. Just say yes to drugs, kiddies! Is it anywonder the drink got spiked?

Ah, gonzo-blogging! I'll follow you down the rabbit hole, Brent--I lol'ed several times--but don't be surprised if your readership dwindles!

EH also go a laugh--and saved me the trouble of looking up those song lyrics. He's so dope. However, he shouldn't be giving you drug advice; maybe your readers should be considering what drugs they could take to better understand a rant without context? (Oh no, did I just get you in trouble with the Alliance censors?) Sleep deprivation always does just fine for me!

And shame on you, Brent for not believing in Unicorns. If this doesn't convince you, nothing will:


Ok, ok, so this might explain some of your cynicism:


but just because you can't believe in Obama doesn't mean you can't believe in unicorns!

And, Brent, I followed the Spanish, I followed the French, but I'm too lazy to try to track down "whicha." ?

Man, I'm Jonesing for some Kool-Aid now...

Herr Fernseher said...

Hmmm. I just realized that people mistake you for insane when you are trying to make me laugh. Should I be worried about that?

On a completely unrelated topic, the best birthday card I ever received had a picture of a monkey humping a football.


Ok, so maybe that was a little bit related.

Jwolf said...

I confess that I'm doing a lousy job of paying attention to anything not BoLSCon related these days.

I promise my mind is untroubled by comments from any peanut gallery around, though.

Messanger of Death said...

Someone is feeling neglected after all the e-attention they got from Dethtron.

I've been giving out cookies all day. But because your special here are some just for you :)

Should taste very nice with some milkshake...


Brent said...

JWolf: Well, this certainly wasn't the post to rouse your attention away! I hope you don't feel like it was a colossal waste of time.

Messanger: ...

*munch munch*


lamiss ibrahim said...


(A new favorite!) Anon: I haven’t even bothered playing a game of 6th yet, cause I have read the rules, and actually understand how they interact with units. I know my armies no longer function how they should, and so I need to change them.

Strictly Average: 'cause 6-inches is all you get.

Stalking Jawaballs since 2009.

Jawaballs: "My butt just tightened up."

Brent, preferred 2-to-1 over Not Brent in a recent, scientific poll.

Brent: emptied the Kool Aid and DRINKING YOUR MILKSHAKE with an extra-long straw.

Unicorns don't exist.

Home of the Stormbuster, the Dyson Pattern Storm Raven.

I'm a comment whore and this whore is getting no play.

Not Brent hurts Brent's feelings.

I think, therefore I blog.

"You should stop writing for everyone else and worry about your crappy blog." - Anon.

Not Brent has been spotted lurking around with a green marker.

He's not like a bad guy from a cartoon, all devious but never quite evil, Not Brent is bad beans, man, bad beans.

Dethtron: "Again I feel obliged to remind you that trying to sound smart only works if you are."

MVB: "I am not one to join the unwashed masses of self-titled 40k experts out there distributing advice from their blogs about exactly how your list should be built..."

Shiner Bock on tap: that's how I choose hotels.

Strictly Average: The Home of Hugs and Gropings.

Don't feed the trolls!

MoD: "Welcome to Brent's head."

Competitive is Consistent.

Dethtron: "...you could use that extra time to figure out a way to get your panties unbunched and perform a sandectomy on your vagina."

Dethtron: “When calling someone an idiot, it's generally best to avoid making grammatical mistakes.”

Warboss Stalin: "You know, if it actually WAS funny, maybe I wouldn't mind."

Mike Brandt: "It's not a successful bachelor party if you don't misplace someone".

"The Master Manipulator (every store needs one): "...now, enough stroking."

Kirby: "I don't know about gropings. Seriously, Brent, keep it in the pants, please."

Loquacious: "No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get Hugs & Gropings or Stalks Jawaballs into Brent's little tribute."

Captain Kellen: "I rate this article a Brent on the Faith Hill to Nancy Pelosi scale!"

Drathmere: "Come for the balls, stay for the Brent? Kind of disturbing, man."

Go no further, lest thee see something thine eyes would fain look past!

Isabelle: "So, thank you for supporting your local and not so local unicorns. A noble gesture like that can show some scared kids out there that they don't have to hide from everyone and it's ok to be who they really are."

There is nothing more interesting than We The People... in all our beautiful, ugly glory!

On Internet Advice: You see, I have an almost religious belief that's it's a huge, colossal waste of time.

...I think I'll call it the Gun Shy Pattern Stormbuster, because after the Internet destroyed my first humble effort, I find I'm a bit worried about the reaction to this one.

Lauby: "Is it left over from that time you thought that you could just complete step one 12 times to meet the mandates of that court order?"

Not Brent: "I guess we'll have to read on and find out. Signed, Not Brent. Especially today."

Cynthia Davis: "I think the scrolling text is from Glen Beck's new book."

Grimaldi: "Spamming certain units creates interesting possibilities but also fatal weaknesses."

Purgatus: "Math can inform decisions. It cannot make decisions."

Thoughts? Comments? Hugs and gropings?

You'd be that much quicker to figure out what I mean when I refer to a Unicorn if I covered it in a rainbow flag.

SinSynn: (To Brent) "Curse you and your insidious influence on the internets..."

Dave G (N++): "You know you're an internet celebrity when your following is more akin to tabloids."

I prefer the term Internet Personality (or IP) myself, seeing as how I coined it.

Lauby: "Your attempt to humanize him as failed. I feel nothing but scorn for his beard - it's like a warcrime or something."

BBF: "I've always thought you are a good player but I finally figured out that you are a great player. It's hard to see sometimes because your personality is engaging, sincere and quite charming - to me that is kind of a rare combination."

'Clearly cheating?' I didn't misspeak: you jumped to conclusions. If you'd like to apologize I'll be happy to send you an autographed picture of my ass.


I thought I was doing alright before I realized I was losing.

Age and treachery beats youth and vigor every time.

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