Strictly Average: Stalking Jawaballs Since 2009

There are some days that are just worth getting up for.  Here I was today, just finishing up my article for Blood of Kittens and trying to decide what to use from the stack of stuff for today's Strictly Average post when I caught sight of my banner... and it wasn't on Strictly Average!  Following it, I discovered Jawaballs had dedicated a post to good ol' Brent.

That's me!  Check it out.  (I took a screenshot just so he couldn't take it back later.)

That has seriously made my day, since everyone knows I'm his biggest stalker fan.  I've spent a lot of time standing in his flower garden peeking in his window making that joke over the past year and some, but he's always obtained a restraining order treated it with good humor.

In humble appreciation, I'm reprinting the blog post from BoLSCon 2009, Game 4... Brent vs Jawaballs.  Strictly Average has changed a lot since this post, not least of which is I don't dabble in controversy or E-drama anymore... unless it's funny!

Brent vs Jawaballs / Eldar vs Blood Angels



I just get a kick out of saying that. I think I’m going to stalk him… he’s a big-sexy Yankee type, sans accent.

What’s that you say? I’m married and strictly hetero?

What’s that got to do with the price of tea in China on Thursday afternoons after a brisk rainstorm you didn’t need your slicker for?

Mancrushes are in this season: ask around. And I’m always on the cutting edge of fashion.

Get it – cutting edge?


Okay, I’ll get on to actually writing about Game 4 of BOLSCON…

Game 4: Hybrid Eldar vs. Blood Angels
Chris has a lean and mean Blood Angels list whose fighting weight is actually 1750, so he added some units for this event. It really defies convention, fielding units and in numbers that are unexpected. For example, he uses only the free Death Company and he runs his marines in 5 or 6 man squads. (I’m writing this from memory, again not having access to the lists.) Chris has his own website and blog that are far more popular than my own, so I’ll let the reader (all 7 of you…) visit the Jawaballs blog for more details, but I’ll say that it reminds me of the Multiple Small Units builds in Warhammer Fantasy.

I’ve already said it was my favorite game of the weekend, but why?

I think primarily because it was a good match of personalities. I tend to match my opponent, unconsciously I think, so since Chris is such a laid back guy I was able to relax and just play the game.

As an aside, Game 6 was against the aggressive and energetic Joe Cherry, so we went after each other pretty good.

I like that Joe Cherry!

But I digress. This game also taught me a new way to play Warhammer 40K – it isn’t some secret, since Fritz, Jawa, Stelek, King, and others have referred to it on numerous occasions, but it is a paradigm shift, and one I had to see in action (and then test) in order to fully understand its use.

I mean, of course, the Full Reserve.

So, table quarters and I honestly cannot remember if I went first or second… how often can you say that? It’s because Chris reserved everything but a Tac squad in a Rhino, so the opening turns didn’t amount to much. I remember when he came on though. Notice this, my opening (those tanks of his are about to come on the board, but aren't on yet) and how I spread (my legs) out nicely (for him).
(Do I need the 'Adult Content' warning? Consider yourself warned, I like crass humor.)
This was a real surprise to me, and it shouldn't have been. It was the second of the major mistakes I made that weekend, and the one I walked into for no other reason than I was blissfully ignorant. On Table Quarter missions, reserves are available along the FULL length of the opposite table. I should have known this, I know I've seen it before, but frankly I play so many pitched battles - you know the type, 12inches on, the 'standard' - that I frankly wasn't prepared to see this. Chris told me this surprises a lot of people. Damn, I hate that I was one of them, because that's not a dodge-ball team you want on...
This is after his turn, and he managed to immobalize the two Wave Serpents, grounding the Fire Dragons.
The orange squad of Fire Dragons jumps out and wants to target a tank, but since my other shooting wasn't so effective, I turn by 9 Fusion guns on Dante instead. That's why his armor is gold, you know - 'cause I cleaned it all nice for him. Didn't do shit else, the lucky mug!
His reserve of Speeders drops behind my lines, looking to light up my Guardians holding the objective. This was a part of the army he added to bulk out to 2000 points. I actually could tell, since he wasn't as surgical with them as opposed to the other units. This won't hurt his feelings, me mentioning this - he knew it, I think.
We had a great fight in the upper right (from my perspective) board edge, mostly because I had to. It's where he came on in reserve and downed my Serpent, so I felt I had to engage him there to hold up his advance on my objective. It had its ups and downs, but I saw the wisdom of his MSU's... gave him some flexibility. The pictures don't really show it all, I'm afraid. Harlequins and the Avatar fought with the Furioso and Death Company in some epic duels. Good stuff. He kept Corbulo behind his units to offer support to all. I wouldn't of thought this was effective, but he wasn't easy to get to so it proved surprisingly so.
A wide-angle shot of... his crotch... damn. Ever notice that? Take pictures of the game table and someone's stuff is always there. Ah well, sorry mate - I'll edit the picture if it bugs you, but believe me nobody reads this stuff but me! Anyway, I'm outgunned here, but really I just wanted to keep as much tied up as possible, away from the objectives. I want to do the ol' Eldar Objective grab at the end. Of course, he knows that, Fritz being his buddy.
I really, really wanted to pay Dante back for making a mess of all my toys. You can see how Eldrad did... that's with Fortune! I think I killed Dante by the end of the game, but I could be mistaken. My Avatar was playing monster in the backfield.
So here's what it all comes down to! I've done what I can, practically cementing a tie! I just have to hold this objective... I shoot, but cover saves him, so I charge just to tie him up...
...and I lose combat, fail my Leadership, and he runs me down! Oh, the shame!

It was a great game - I had an absolute blast. I think I would have done much better had I known what to expect, but that's preparedness for you: he was and I wasn't! But I learn, my friends, I learn... You see, I understood the tactical reasons behind his deployment, and with speed on my side I can do it as good or better! Since BOLSCON, I've started reserving my entire army, every game, every mission. It's changed the way I play, and for that I thank you Jawa!

Ah, a simpler time!  When Bell of Lost Souls could call their event BoLSCon...


Jawaballs said...

Haha, no prob man! You are one of the dudes who keeps it real and I always get a kick out of reading your articles. See you at Adepticon?

Brent said...

Ya, I'm planning on it!

Hopefully the local crew will consider the trip; if not, maybe the Bell dudes will let me bum a ride or something.

Anonymous said...

Ha good report, kept it real

Darkwynn said...

you can always ride with Me Brent :)

Also Start talking about www.centexwar.com

Its a new forum for Central Texas trying to push as many people as we can to use it as a center for Central Texas instead of having all these sites that not a lot of people are using.

CalPerr said...

lol, you called a raincoat a slicker

Chumbalaya said...

Brent, you are getting man-hugged come November. Count on it.

Brent said...

Looking forward to it, Chumby!

(A new favorite!) Anon: I haven’t even bothered playing a game of 6th yet, cause I have read the rules, and actually understand how they interact with units. I know my armies no longer function how they should, and so I need to change them.

Strictly Average: 'cause 6-inches is all you get.

Stalking Jawaballs since 2009.

Jawaballs: "My butt just tightened up."

Brent, preferred 2-to-1 over Not Brent in a recent, scientific poll.

Brent: emptied the Kool Aid and DRINKING YOUR MILKSHAKE with an extra-long straw.

Unicorns don't exist.

Home of the Stormbuster, the Dyson Pattern Storm Raven.

I'm a comment whore and this whore is getting no play.

Not Brent hurts Brent's feelings.

I think, therefore I blog.

"You should stop writing for everyone else and worry about your crappy blog." - Anon.

Not Brent has been spotted lurking around with a green marker.

He's not like a bad guy from a cartoon, all devious but never quite evil, Not Brent is bad beans, man, bad beans.

Dethtron: "Again I feel obliged to remind you that trying to sound smart only works if you are."

MVB: "I am not one to join the unwashed masses of self-titled 40k experts out there distributing advice from their blogs about exactly how your list should be built..."

Shiner Bock on tap: that's how I choose hotels.

Strictly Average: The Home of Hugs and Gropings.

Don't feed the trolls!

MoD: "Welcome to Brent's head."

Competitive is Consistent.

Dethtron: "...you could use that extra time to figure out a way to get your panties unbunched and perform a sandectomy on your vagina."

Dethtron: “When calling someone an idiot, it's generally best to avoid making grammatical mistakes.”

Warboss Stalin: "You know, if it actually WAS funny, maybe I wouldn't mind."

Mike Brandt: "It's not a successful bachelor party if you don't misplace someone".

"The Master Manipulator (every store needs one): "...now, enough stroking."

Kirby: "I don't know about gropings. Seriously, Brent, keep it in the pants, please."

Loquacious: "No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get Hugs & Gropings or Stalks Jawaballs into Brent's little tribute."

Captain Kellen: "I rate this article a Brent on the Faith Hill to Nancy Pelosi scale!"

Drathmere: "Come for the balls, stay for the Brent? Kind of disturbing, man."

Go no further, lest thee see something thine eyes would fain look past!

Isabelle: "So, thank you for supporting your local and not so local unicorns. A noble gesture like that can show some scared kids out there that they don't have to hide from everyone and it's ok to be who they really are."

There is nothing more interesting than We The People... in all our beautiful, ugly glory!

On Internet Advice: You see, I have an almost religious belief that's it's a huge, colossal waste of time.

...I think I'll call it the Gun Shy Pattern Stormbuster, because after the Internet destroyed my first humble effort, I find I'm a bit worried about the reaction to this one.

Lauby: "Is it left over from that time you thought that you could just complete step one 12 times to meet the mandates of that court order?"

Not Brent: "I guess we'll have to read on and find out. Signed, Not Brent. Especially today."

Cynthia Davis: "I think the scrolling text is from Glen Beck's new book."

Grimaldi: "Spamming certain units creates interesting possibilities but also fatal weaknesses."

Purgatus: "Math can inform decisions. It cannot make decisions."

Thoughts? Comments? Hugs and gropings?

You'd be that much quicker to figure out what I mean when I refer to a Unicorn if I covered it in a rainbow flag.

SinSynn: (To Brent) "Curse you and your insidious influence on the internets..."

Dave G (N++): "You know you're an internet celebrity when your following is more akin to tabloids."

I prefer the term Internet Personality (or IP) myself, seeing as how I coined it.

Lauby: "Your attempt to humanize him as failed. I feel nothing but scorn for his beard - it's like a warcrime or something."

BBF: "I've always thought you are a good player but I finally figured out that you are a great player. It's hard to see sometimes because your personality is engaging, sincere and quite charming - to me that is kind of a rare combination."

'Clearly cheating?' I didn't misspeak: you jumped to conclusions. If you'd like to apologize I'll be happy to send you an autographed picture of my ass.


I thought I was doing alright before I realized I was losing.

Age and treachery beats youth and vigor every time.

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