Strictly Average: Welcome to WarGames Con

7.30.2010

Welcome to WarGames Con

Herr Fernseher here at WarGames Con. I’ve indentured myself to Brent for free passage to what is proving to be for me a New World of gaming. I’ve never been to a gaming event of this magnitude. It’s a large group. A couple hundred guys, a handful of girls. Even accounting for the fact that this is essentially a room full of guys, there are still a lot more beards than usual. And pants with cargo pockets. There are a few sports jerseys, a few comic T-shirts. A preponderance of the gamer’s physique. Across the conference room , I cannot make out the words, but I see the Old English font on several T-shirts. Even an honest-to-God Christian T-shirt. Oh, wait. Jesus has a word balloon: “Don’t be a dick”? Well…that’s a reasonable translation I guess.

Here I am giving my right arm to keep some guy's ass out of the frame...

Energy levels are high here before the kickoff event for the conference, the doubles tournament.

While most are socializing leisurely, a few peer studiously into their laptops or stoically muster their forces. Behind some of the stone faces I see nervousness, behind others I see a hunger to win. Before I can settle in, Brent and I discover that someone (surely Not Brent) has left the casualty markers in the other case back at the hotel. I’m dispatched to right the wrong.

Alone in Brent’s car, the tank full of gas and only hours from the Mexican border, I am tempted for a moment to make a run for it. Then I remember the stupid bracelet he had locked onto my ankle as part of my passage agreement. Nothing to do but continue to work off this debt --Holy crap, stop the presses! Even as I type this, a small child stopped to photograph the Stormbuster, the Dyson Pattern Storm Raven sitting on the table in front of me! I think he actually liked it. --Anyway, like I said, this is proving to be a New World of gaming for me.

1 comment:

SAJ said...: You lucky bastard! I'm jealous and happy for you at the same time.

Have a blast, swag it up, and keep posting (it's as close as I'll come to any gaming any time soon).; July 30, 2010 at 2:44 PM

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(A new favorite!) Anon: I haven’t even bothered playing a game of 6th yet, cause I have read the rules, and actually understand how they interact with units. I know my armies no longer function how they should, and so I need to change them.

Strictly Average: 'cause 6-inches is all you get.

Stalking Jawaballs since 2009.

Jawaballs: "My butt just tightened up."

Brent, preferred 2-to-1 over Not Brent in a recent, scientific poll.

Brent: emptied the Kool Aid and DRINKING YOUR MILKSHAKE with an extra-long straw.

Unicorns don't exist.

Home of the Stormbuster, the Dyson Pattern Storm Raven.

I'm a comment whore and this whore is getting no play.

Not Brent hurts Brent's feelings.

I think, therefore I blog.

"You should stop writing for everyone else and worry about your crappy blog." - Anon.

Not Brent has been spotted lurking around with a green marker.

He's not like a bad guy from a cartoon, all devious but never quite evil, Not Brent is bad beans, man, bad beans.

Dethtron: "Again I feel obliged to remind you that trying to sound smart only works if you are."

MVB: "I am not one to join the unwashed masses of self-titled 40k experts out there distributing advice from their blogs about exactly how your list should be built..."

Shiner Bock on tap: that's how I choose hotels.

Strictly Average: The Home of Hugs and Gropings.

Don't feed the trolls!

MoD: "Welcome to Brent's head."

Competitive is Consistent.

Dethtron: "...you could use that extra time to figure out a way to get your panties unbunched and perform a sandectomy on your vagina."

Dethtron: “When calling someone an idiot, it's generally best to avoid making grammatical mistakes.”

Warboss Stalin: "You know, if it actually WAS funny, maybe I wouldn't mind."

Mike Brandt: "It's not a successful bachelor party if you don't misplace someone".

"The Master Manipulator (every store needs one): "...now, enough stroking."

Kirby: "I don't know about gropings. Seriously, Brent, keep it in the pants, please."

Loquacious: "No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get Hugs & Gropings or Stalks Jawaballs into Brent's little tribute."

Captain Kellen: "I rate this article a Brent on the Faith Hill to Nancy Pelosi scale!"

Drathmere: "Come for the balls, stay for the Brent? Kind of disturbing, man."

Go no further, lest thee see something thine eyes would fain look past!

Isabelle: "So, thank you for supporting your local and not so local unicorns. A noble gesture like that can show some scared kids out there that they don't have to hide from everyone and it's ok to be who they really are."

There is nothing more interesting than We The People... in all our beautiful, ugly glory!

On Internet Advice: You see, I have an almost religious belief that's it's a huge, colossal waste of time.

...I think I'll call it the Gun Shy Pattern Stormbuster, because after the Internet destroyed my first humble effort, I find I'm a bit worried about the reaction to this one.

Lauby: "Is it left over from that time you thought that you could just complete step one 12 times to meet the mandates of that court order?"

Not Brent: "I guess we'll have to read on and find out. Signed, Not Brent. Especially today."

Cynthia Davis: "I think the scrolling text is from Glen Beck's new book."

Grimaldi: "Spamming certain units creates interesting possibilities but also fatal weaknesses."

Purgatus: "Math can inform decisions. It cannot make decisions."

Thoughts? Comments? Hugs and gropings?

You'd be that much quicker to figure out what I mean when I refer to a Unicorn if I covered it in a rainbow flag.

SinSynn: (To Brent) "Curse you and your insidious influence on the internets..."

Dave G (N++): "You know you're an internet celebrity when your following is more akin to tabloids."

I prefer the term Internet Personality (or IP) myself, seeing as how I coined it.

Lauby: "Your attempt to humanize him as failed. I feel nothing but scorn for his beard - it's like a warcrime or something."

BBF: "I've always thought you are a good player but I finally figured out that you are a great player. It's hard to see sometimes because your personality is engaging, sincere and quite charming - to me that is kind of a rare combination."

'Clearly cheating?' I didn't misspeak: you jumped to conclusions. If you'd like to apologize I'll be happy to send you an autographed picture of my ass.

Ass.

I thought I was doing alright before I realized I was losing.

Age and treachery beats youth and vigor every time.