It's funny what gets noticed. I used pictures from my collection of a ruined Cathedral that my Indentured Servant Herr Fernseher snapped at WarGames Con for my Bell of Lost Souls article yesterday.Whew! What a sentence; I think it's properly crafted but someone tell me if a phrase or clause is out of place.
Anyway, I had several people ask about it so I dropped the rest of the pics in a post yesterday. Someone from Sabol Studios dropped by to kindly point out I wasn't giving them proper credit.
This is me correcting that! Check it out - it's a pretty incredible collection.
SABOL STUDIOS
Name the devil and he comes running. I felt my ears burning this morning. Anyway, I think you've structured your clauses and phrases nicely around my handle.
ReplyDelete...boy, did that sound wrong...
Not sure I'm qualified to give wordsmithing advice after that last double entendre, but my phrasing would have been:
"Yesterday, for my Bell of Lost Souls article, I used pictures of a ruined Cathedral from my collection that my Indentured Servant Herr Fernseher snapped at WarGames Con." After all, I didn't photograph them for your article! I'm feeling a niggling urge to go look up whether you should have used "which" in place of "that." Never can remember that usage rule...
Hmm. Just read mine aloud. Might minimize potential to be misunderstood (more precise), but yours certainly is more conversational (better style?). Choices, choices. The fact that you think about these things is what makes you readable. (Don't worry, "readable" isn't meant to be faint praise, coming from me.)
It's funny, I wrote the sentence out and noticed how loaded it was...
ReplyDelete...but I decided it wasn't worth the effort of deleting and rewriting!
Certainly commas to break up the phrases would have been appropriate.
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ReplyDeleteReally, I didn't even notice it until you pointed it out. But good luck using Twitter to further develop your IP. Personally, I MISS reading long sentences. Elegance of thought doesn't manifest itself in the language as it once did. So far, for the week, yours was the best of sentences, it was the worst of sentences...
ReplyDeleteOh, and not to totally derail the comments, let me say that I am eager to see more Sabol Studios work in person.